(Note: This article is part of a series of notes BDSM in practice )
Any person who is attracted to BDSM has strong personal reasons.
Often all stems from some inner impulse and satisfies some deep need of the individual. Well before you get to act in real life is quite normal that many people develop rich fantasies of what want (or vorrebero) do or have done in a BDSM context. It 'also normal that BDSM remains only a wonderful fantasy for a long time. For some people, BDSM still remains at the level of fantasy and never go in practice and this too is perfectly normal, provided that there is ever confusion between what are and what is fantasy and reality can be.
E 'well aware of the fact that we imagine a rich, personal and private BDSM us charge expectations on how it should be the realization in practice of BDSM (and how NOT to be expected, according to our point of view .) Expectations are not a bad thing in absolute and are often the immediate boost to put into practice some BDSM practice and we make it desirable.
Speaking of expectations about BDSM is necessary to pay attention to two things that can become dangerous.
First, any expectation that we may lack realism.
This means that we can expect from the practice BDSM (or our partners) something that you can not get in the real world. It 'something that happens primarily because it has little practical experience and for this we have no benchmarks to judge whether a particular practice (or a certain behavior) is realistic or not. But even though we are already experienced, in my opinion should be always pay attention to what our expectations, since every situation (and any partner) has its own characteristics and is very easy to expect (and want) something that can not be obtained.
also expectations may conflict with the expectations of our partners.
We must never forget that our partner has the legitimate expectations may be different and at odds with ours.
One of the reasons why a clear and honest communication is very important in BDSM (and when you assemble a single "scene" game is generally in the relationship) is precisely the need to deal with the expectations of partners while our offer. I emphasize the word "proposed" in BDSM as it is never possible to impose anything that is not wanted by all the partners (the acronym in consensual SSC).
Each person also has needs as well as having expectations.
If expectations are the desires, needs a person is something deeper and very important. A need is something absolutely necessary for our survival, both physically and in terms of emotional or psychological or social. Eating, drinking and sleeping are physical needs, we can not live without. Respect, care and consideration are some psychological needs and even if you can survive without these things, when we lack belittled and crushed and we live badly.
Even in the practice of BDSM, there are needs, some are universal as the need for respect and attention, others are specific to each individual. For each person it is very difficult to distinguish between the desires, expectations and needs and is obviously not possible to establish strict rules and absolute to say what is and what is the other one is always a matter of personal opinion. It happens that is sometimes considered the needs of simple (but very strong) desires, while at other times it happens that some needs are not clear, it remains unexpressed and lived to be at best a fantasy. It 'also possible that our expectations will grow too much and lead us away from our real needs.
Always try to distinguish between our fantasies, our desires, Noste expectations, and our needs is difficult, but necessary to understand What we would really like the practice of BDSM and avoid dangerous confusion.
Speaking of practical needs of a BDSM scene is therefore strongly recommended a good and honest communication before the same scene that takes into account the expectations of the needs of all partners involved.
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